The Wind is Back in my Sails!
What a week.
As I was going through my divorce, I decided to take up a new hobby. I took up sailing. I spent several months attending classes, countless hours doing online exams, and signing up for every day sail, afternoon sail, an overnight trip down the Chesapeake Bay, and, finally, two weekend trips offshore.
For various reasons, my efforts to become an offshore sailor ended in failure. I began the week feeling quite down, feeling like I managed to add yet another failure to my growing collection (which includes my failure at marriage, my failure to attain command, and my failure to get promoted).
Since I June 2017, when I was passed over for the second time, I had resigned myself to being a terminal Junior Officer. I had been mentally preparing to retire in June 2021, the statutory retirement for me as a terminal O-4. I knew the FY-19 CDR promotion message was going to come out any time but, for the first time in several years, I put absolutely on effort into a board. In 2013 and 2014, I was tying to get qualified for command, which I succeeded in accomplishing. In 2014 and 2016, I was trying to get selected for command, which I failed to attain. In 2016 and 2017, I was trying to get promoted. I put a lot of effort into shaping my battle space, taking arduous sea duty assignments, and busting my ass every day to lead my department toward accomplishment of the mission. And, in 2017 and part of 2018, I was trying to salvage a dying marriage.
I woke up on 31 May feeling like my typical failure self. I had to talk myself into even getting out of bed. I had to talk myself up into getting into my office. I sat down at my desk, thinking about logging into my computer. And then my phone started buzzing. I looked at my phone and read a Facebook Messenger popup from a friend stating, "Congratulations! You made it!" I was shocked and began to shake.
As it turned out, the promotion message had appeared in message traffic. I do not have access to message traffic. Neither do a lot of us who are on shore duty. But someone had the sense to post the message on the signature SWO forum, Sailor Bob! I read down the names on the list and quickly found my name. Then I thought that it was a hoax. Then one of my USNA classmates, an HR officer who happens to be the first one in our class to promote to O-5, emailed the message to me. Over the course of the day, the message was posted on the Navy Personnel Command website. Then the congratulations began to pour in. My 3-star boss sent out a mass email to congratulate me and the other four officers selected for promotion. What a whirlwind.
In a matter of hours, my entire future changed. I no longer am looking at a forced retirement. I am now able to continue my career for another 11 years. And a lot of future opportunities have likely opened up for me.
Incidentally, I was in the middle of reading Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning," in which his central message revolves around the idea that the individual human has complete control over how they approach adversity and how they also control how they find meaning in their life. That being stated, I began to feel overwhelmed with guilt. I spent the last two years being angry and bitter. Bitter about not getting command. Bitter about not being promoted. Bitter about looking at what I felt was an unfairly forced exit from my chosen profession. Bitter about my divorce. I complained a lot. I complained and vented constantly on Sailor Bob. I even complained on Facebook, posting things that seniors and subordinates were sure to read. While I never crossed red lines into insubordination, conduct unbecoming, or even professionalism, I did convey the image of a broken, bitter, and resentful man.
Suddenly, all that baggage has been spirited away. I feel a lot better. I now have to accept the challenge to assume the greater responsibility and to convey the commensurate image.
I began the week in the doldrums with unfilled sails. I ended the week on a broad reach and on a charted course.
As I was going through my divorce, I decided to take up a new hobby. I took up sailing. I spent several months attending classes, countless hours doing online exams, and signing up for every day sail, afternoon sail, an overnight trip down the Chesapeake Bay, and, finally, two weekend trips offshore.
For various reasons, my efforts to become an offshore sailor ended in failure. I began the week feeling quite down, feeling like I managed to add yet another failure to my growing collection (which includes my failure at marriage, my failure to attain command, and my failure to get promoted).
Since I June 2017, when I was passed over for the second time, I had resigned myself to being a terminal Junior Officer. I had been mentally preparing to retire in June 2021, the statutory retirement for me as a terminal O-4. I knew the FY-19 CDR promotion message was going to come out any time but, for the first time in several years, I put absolutely on effort into a board. In 2013 and 2014, I was tying to get qualified for command, which I succeeded in accomplishing. In 2014 and 2016, I was trying to get selected for command, which I failed to attain. In 2016 and 2017, I was trying to get promoted. I put a lot of effort into shaping my battle space, taking arduous sea duty assignments, and busting my ass every day to lead my department toward accomplishment of the mission. And, in 2017 and part of 2018, I was trying to salvage a dying marriage.
I woke up on 31 May feeling like my typical failure self. I had to talk myself into even getting out of bed. I had to talk myself up into getting into my office. I sat down at my desk, thinking about logging into my computer. And then my phone started buzzing. I looked at my phone and read a Facebook Messenger popup from a friend stating, "Congratulations! You made it!" I was shocked and began to shake.
As it turned out, the promotion message had appeared in message traffic. I do not have access to message traffic. Neither do a lot of us who are on shore duty. But someone had the sense to post the message on the signature SWO forum, Sailor Bob! I read down the names on the list and quickly found my name. Then I thought that it was a hoax. Then one of my USNA classmates, an HR officer who happens to be the first one in our class to promote to O-5, emailed the message to me. Over the course of the day, the message was posted on the Navy Personnel Command website. Then the congratulations began to pour in. My 3-star boss sent out a mass email to congratulate me and the other four officers selected for promotion. What a whirlwind.
In a matter of hours, my entire future changed. I no longer am looking at a forced retirement. I am now able to continue my career for another 11 years. And a lot of future opportunities have likely opened up for me.
Incidentally, I was in the middle of reading Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning," in which his central message revolves around the idea that the individual human has complete control over how they approach adversity and how they also control how they find meaning in their life. That being stated, I began to feel overwhelmed with guilt. I spent the last two years being angry and bitter. Bitter about not getting command. Bitter about not being promoted. Bitter about looking at what I felt was an unfairly forced exit from my chosen profession. Bitter about my divorce. I complained a lot. I complained and vented constantly on Sailor Bob. I even complained on Facebook, posting things that seniors and subordinates were sure to read. While I never crossed red lines into insubordination, conduct unbecoming, or even professionalism, I did convey the image of a broken, bitter, and resentful man.
Suddenly, all that baggage has been spirited away. I feel a lot better. I now have to accept the challenge to assume the greater responsibility and to convey the commensurate image.
I began the week in the doldrums with unfilled sails. I ended the week on a broad reach and on a charted course.
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