Guilt and Misdirected Anger
I finally pinned on my silver oak leaves on 1 October. That I managed to get promoted on my second "above zone" look was amazing and completely unexpected. It is thrilling to know that I can continue to serve until 2029, potentially retiring with a 70% pension. This past month has given me reason to reflect and to consider the toxicity of my attitude. Some thoughts:
1. I misdirected my anger. I blamed the situation (not getting promoted, not being selected for the privilege of command) on the wrong person. I counted on my bosses taking care of me in return for my work and when I was ranked lower on a fitness report than I thought I should have been, I channeled my anger toward the wrong individual. Should I ever meet that person again, I will humbly apologize for the incorrect assignment of blame.
2. I thought the selection system sucked. I still think there are some shortfalls and I'm not the only one to have written on this. But I can't be angry at it. The system finally rewarded me with the opportunity to continue serving.
3. My attitude sucked. I don't apologize for being angry, because we all have a right to be angry. I do apologize to my peers for having to listen to my incessant rants for a year and a half. We don't get to control the situations we find ourselves in, but we do get to control our actions and our words.
1. I misdirected my anger. I blamed the situation (not getting promoted, not being selected for the privilege of command) on the wrong person. I counted on my bosses taking care of me in return for my work and when I was ranked lower on a fitness report than I thought I should have been, I channeled my anger toward the wrong individual. Should I ever meet that person again, I will humbly apologize for the incorrect assignment of blame.
2. I thought the selection system sucked. I still think there are some shortfalls and I'm not the only one to have written on this. But I can't be angry at it. The system finally rewarded me with the opportunity to continue serving.
3. My attitude sucked. I don't apologize for being angry, because we all have a right to be angry. I do apologize to my peers for having to listen to my incessant rants for a year and a half. We don't get to control the situations we find ourselves in, but we do get to control our actions and our words.
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